dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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