I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
