Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
