i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
