So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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