She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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