I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
