There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
