Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
