the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
