it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
