Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
