Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
