this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
