i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
