i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
