I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the liver wants what the liver wants
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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