Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
