Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
