Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize