Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
