Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize