I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
