I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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