I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
