I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
