So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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