Cold hands, warm shart.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
