the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
