I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
