the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
