Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
