brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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