I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
