I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You ate ashes out of my bong
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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