my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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