these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
