The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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