if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
