I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
