I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
