One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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