i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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