I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
