were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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