Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
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