I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
