Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
