hotel room ftw
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
