my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
