saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
