I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
