Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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