I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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