You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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