Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Randomize
