btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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