If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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