It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I met the friendliest cop last night
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
