This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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