you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
