So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
