eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
