marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
