I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
