He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
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