I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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