i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
