how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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