did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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