she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
