just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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