I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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