I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
