the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
