thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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