p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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