You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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