Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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