My room smells like vodka and shame
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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