She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
